Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
