the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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