just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
