2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
