My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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