Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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