I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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