There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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