you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
