So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
