sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
