Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
