I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
