Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
