if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
