Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
