What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
