i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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