I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
