oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
