I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
