im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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