there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
