I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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