I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
