Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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