I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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