i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
