Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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