Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
