My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize