Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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