so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
