Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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