My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
