The maid of honor just puked.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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