Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
