Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
