Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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