Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
