she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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