He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
