You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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