I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
