Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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