I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
