no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to calm my uterus...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
