well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
