I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
