Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
