i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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