Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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