I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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