I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to make out with him forever
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
