dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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