I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball