Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?