i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
