He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
