My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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