Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
