First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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