Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
