Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
