there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
