I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
