I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
