Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
